When you divide yourself, you cultivate tension. You split your energy and pull yourself in opposing directions. It’s hard to make decisions and you never fully feel satisfied.
For many years, I split my energy. Dividing myself between two worlds that seemingly felt at odds with one another. Splitting myself between the two and not seeing many commonalities.
On one side I had finance, the corporate world… suits, presentations, excel, computers, high heels, high pressure, big personalities, big money and high stakes.
On the other I had yoga, spirituality… nature, meditation, rawness, depth, peace, books, movement, silence, comfort, creativity, love and home.
Most people saw my “professional” corporate side. The one that society tends to praise and reward. Even with friends and family and in my relationship, I found myself defaulting to the bold, action oriented business Bre.
Only when I was alone would I really come back to what felt like home. My practice, quiet, thoughtful, meditative, deep, connected solitude. I kept this for myself. Knowing this was the real essence of who I was and not wanting that to come into question.
As the years went on, I’d find myself conflicted. Torn on why I’d choose again and again to stay in finance yet also recognizing I loved wearing a suit, presenting, making money and making things happen. I’d get pulled in one direction and then the other - pouring everything into work, feeling unfilled, taking a solo trip to Costa Rica, back to everything in work, emptiness, deep dive into vedic philosophy… around and around I’d go… creating different outlets along the way to fill the gaps I was truly feeling.
It was exhausting. All of the doing. All of the confusion. All of the division.
When you divide yourself, you cultivate tension. You split your energy and pull yourself in opposing directions. It’s hard to make decisions and you never fully feel satisfied.
I lived this way for many years until I was confronted with the reality that it was unsustainable. It impacted my health, my relationships and most importantly, my connection with myself.
At first, I thought I was going to have to make a choice… one or the other. Finance or Yoga. Corporate or Spiritual.
Yet what I realized was that the thing wasn’t the problem. Finance wasn’t the problem. Yoga wasn’t the problem. I was the problem. My perspective was the problem. Finance and Yoga weren’t creating the division. I was.
Yet what I realized was that the thing wasn’t the problem. Finance wasn’t the problem. Yoga wasn’t the problem. I was the problem. My perspective was the problem. Finance and Yoga weren’t creating the division. I was.
It’s wild what can happen with a subtle shift in mindset. A reorientation around how you view a challenge.
Instead of seeking a solution externally. I looked for one internally. I dove into myself. Peeled back my layers and came out with impeccable clarity. A rooted sense of direction, of peace.
No longer at odds between my two worlds. Seeing their complete integration.
Invitations for Reflection
What divisions are you creating in your life? Where are you at odds with yourself?
Do you show up as different people in different situations?
If so, how does it feel to have to maintain multiple “worlds”?
Why do you feel the need to maintain multiple “worlds”?
Reflections in the comments are oh so welcome xx
with love,
Comments